Am I the only one?

Written by: Maia Vaher

Have you ever felt alone in a crowded room? Or caught yourself wondering, “Why would they say that?” or “Why would they do that?”

Chances are, you’re not the only one.

In today’s world, many of us end up feeling misunderstood—not because our ideas are wrong or because we don’t fit in, but simply because we’re all looking at the same situation through slightly different lenses.

We’ve all heard the saying, “You can’t change a person.” And there’s a lot of truth in that. But what if you didn’t have to? What if you never changed the person at all, but completely changed the way you understood their words?

People have been trying to figure each other out for thousands of years. From Hippocrates and Carl Jung to countless modern psychologists, there have been endless theories about why we think and behave the way we do. One modern take that many people find surprisingly relatable comes from Thomas Erikson’s book Surrounded by Idiots.

The basic idea is simple. Rather than trying to explain every personality on earth, Erikson groups people’s communication styles into four broad personality types. No, it’s not a perfect science, and no, people don’t fit neatly into little coloured boxes. But it does offer an interesting way to understand why some people seem so easy to connect with… while others leave you wondering what planet they came from.

Drivers are direct, quick to act and focused. Need someone to ‘get it done’? You know exactly who to call. Just don’t spend twenty minutes explaining something that could’ve been said in two—they’ve already started the task while you’re still talking.

Analyticals value quality, accuracy and expertise. You know the ‘numbers person’ in the office? The one who barely says a word, but somehow knows absolutely everything about the one topic they’ve been studying since dinosaurs roamed the earth. Ask them a question and you’ll get every detail imaginable. They’ll also ask you every question that pops into their head before making a decision—not because they’re difficult, but because making the wrong decision is far scarier than taking a little longer.

Amiables are dependable, supportive and happiest when everyone gets along. They’re the friend you call when life gets a little tough, but somehow the last person to ask for help themselves. Ask for their opinion and they’ll happily tell you everything they know. Misunderstand them, though, and it cuts deeper than most people realise.

Expressives are outgoing, persuasive and full of energy. They were probably the person who got you into trouble for talking in class… even though you never actually said a word. They’ll interrupt you without meaning to, tell stories that somehow have seven side quests, and throw themselves wholeheartedly into almost anything. Just don’t leave them out—they’d rather be exhausted than miss out on what’s happening.

Of course, putting people into neat little boxes is never perfect—and maybe that’s the point. Most of us are a blend of all four, depending on the day, the situation or even who we’re talking to. The value isn’t in labelling people; it’s in becoming curious about them. Whether it’s a family member, a colleague, your manager or even the taxi driver on the way home, that tiny shift in perspective can completely change the conversation.

Will it solve every disagreement? Probably not. But it might stop a few before they even begin.

This article barely scratches the surface of the idea. Whether you agree with every part of the model or not, it has a funny way of making you stop, think, and maybe even recognise a few people in your own life… or yourself. After all, understanding each other a little better is worth investing in.

Unless you’re a Driver… in which case, thanks for making it this far;)